Monday, 16 June 2008


"Good morning" said Bethuel. This was strange, he didn't normally address me until the end of the day, I didn't need to reply. "I woke up last night to the sound of my mother crying in the other room." He said, "I could hear my father's voice whispering something to her and I moved to the edge of the room to hear what was wrong."

"My mother's sobbing was becoming quieter and I heard her ask my father ' you know when it happened?' My father answered 'From what I can gather it would have been about seven or eight weeks ago'. My mother replied 'but she's barely 17 years old, that man is disgusting to take a girl of that age.' My father didn't agree 'what difference does age make? She was the daughter of the king and now our master's wife has asked her to carry the master's child. There is nothing we can do about this.'

My mother's voice became cold and hard 'there is plenty we can do, there is certainly much that I can do, one woman to another. That girl trusts me and I will make use of that trust to ensure that our son gets what he deserves.'

"I didn't hear any more after that. Today I am going out into the fields with the master's nephew, he's going to teach me about how to shepherd the animals. Goodbye." Said Bethuel.

Thursday, 12 June 2008


Bethuel was telling me about a conversation he'd had with his mother today, "After my conversation with father yesterday I spoke with mother today and she laughed for quite some time. 'God's help' she said 'is useless' I didn't get a chance to ask her what she meant by that because she was really angry, but amused, by what my father had told me, 'Your father is a stupid old fool. I assume he didn't tell you about the common man's virtuous and truthful visit to the King of Eygpt then?" She asked, still laughing. I shook my head 'If you were to enter the King of Eygypt's land do you think he would meet you personally, or strike a deal with you? Do you think you would get an audience, do you think the king would look twice at a woman of my standing - do you think he would give you his daughter, as a SLAVE? Of course not.'

"My mother explained" said Bethuel, "'Before he settled here your 'exalted master' had to pass through Eygypt and so terrified was he that the King would kill him to take the mistress that he lied. He told the King that she was only his sister and traded his 'sister' for riches.' My mother continued, 'there's no shame in that, common practice. But, she said, he is no common man, the King of all Eygypt doesn't need to make deals with common men, he wants, he takes. Your master is far more powerful than your father will admit, I tell you son, that man has riches."

I thought she was finished "And as for that nonsense about his nephew! His nephew saved your exalted master's hide. The cattle were sick with some illness and without them your master's wealth would soon disappear. The master refused to allow anyone to interfere insistent that God would spare them. In the end his nephew was so worried that he took his share of the flock to safety and got them away from the worst of the disease. Your master was furious and took your father to kidnap his nephew and bring him, and his wealth, back here.

'That you will have any inheritence at all is the work of the master's nephew but what does he get from your father and your master? Abuse and threats, that poor man is to remain hidden, lest your master's honesty turns on him again.'

"I was really sad to hear about the master's nephew" said Bethuel, "Especially at my own father's involvement, the master is no concern of mine, but my own father?"

"Remember your mother's words" I said to him. Before she finished she had said to Bethuel 'Your father is a fool but he knows better than to dare question your master, perhaps your father is only protecting your inheritence. I should not be so harsh. The master is not to be underestimated, he'd turn on his own if his infatuation with his god told him to.'

Monday, 9 June 2008


It's been a few weeks since our conversation about deal-making deities and Bethuel hasn't been spending any more time thinking about the master. Until today it would seem.

He told me earlier, "I was working with father today and I like doing that, I like to learn from him because one day I'll take his place, unless mother's right of course and that place is head of the family." He laughed. "I decided to ask father about the master. He ignored me and we carried on working and he changed the subject to tell me about how best to the particular job we were on this afternoon.

"After we had a little break father started up 'The master is a common man but a virtuous and honest man' he said 'he is beloved of God and because of his committment to the master God has provided all of this land for him'. I asked my father what made him so virtuous and he explained about the master's nephew, 'The master's nephew was very devious and wanted to steal some of the master's flock and make a tribe of his own but instead of punshing the nephew the master let him take away most of the flock and the shepherds to a place of his choosing and then the master chose another place, this place, to settle' 'I see.' I said. 'But that's not all of it' said my father, 'Even when his nephew was captured and imprisoned your master rode out to rescue him and restore his libery, I went with him to fight and we suceeded in our mission. Your master did not hold his previous deceit against him and in fact shared the wealth of his captors with him.'"

Friday, 6 June 2008


"Did you make a deal with the master?" he asked.

I answered "No. I made no deal with your master." Bethuel nodded "I didn't think you did" he said and sat down. He was not in the slightest bit concerned that he had heard my voice.

"And, well, so..." Bethuel was struggling, "who *did* the master make the deal with?" he asked me. "Himself, I suppose" I said to him, "I don't make deals, or threats, promises or assurances. It doesn't interest me. I don't promise the shore to the sea or guarantee the sun to seedlings, that happens without me getting involved."

Bethuel was pleased, but then I could see his brow furrowing and another question was forming as much on his face as in his mind, "And are their others gods, should I speak to them as well? Father says that I should worship god, is that right? How do you want me to worship you?"

I explained to Bethuel the truth that eluded him, not much did but I could tell this was something he might not be able to work out on his own, not yet anyway "There are some people who believe that there is one me doing everything and some of those people worship me. There are other people who believe that all the things that happen are done by lots of different gods. Some people don't believe that anything happens because of me. All of them are right. I don't need to be worshipped, I know who I am, it's most of you who are in the dark about who I am, or who you are."

He was still following me, admirably so, "What your master has done is take a part of himself, perhaps his valour, strength, determination and made that an external force, perhaps he believes that he's not worthy of his own power and pretends its 'God' instead. If you think worshipping me will make a difference, it won't, it won't make it better and it won't make it worse. If you do want to make something better look for the aspect of me or the god of that aspect in yourself. When you have found that part, it might be small or massive, try and make it bigger, more powerful and put your attention on that - then you will notice changes in your life."

Does that make sense, I asked him. "Yes, very much, I like that, I think that makes sense' he said.

"Why did you tell your mother about your master being chosen?" I asked him.

He smiled "I thought that mother knew stories about the master because I've heard her whispering things about him to other people, I was hoping she would tell me why he was special."

I went back to my first answer, "Bethuel, when I answered you there was no reaction on your face or in your body, you didn't seem shocked or in awe or, in fact anything, why not?" I asked. Bethuel looked confused "Which answer?" He asked. I told him, "When I told you that I didn't do a deal with your master." A look of concern passed across his young face, "Why would I be shocked?" and just as I was about to explain he added "It's not like I haven't heard you speak before!"

If I was capable of falling over I probably would have come close right then.

I asked him to tell me what it was like talking to me, today, before today and whenever he spoke to me. "Well, it's just normal" he said "I talk to you and you answer, sometimes you answer by voice, sometimes with a picture, sometimes with an animal coming up to me and licking my hand or snuffling for scraps. Sometimes you sound like me, sometimes you sound like no-one I know."

"You hear me, see me?" I asked, "All the time" he said.

This was why he wasn't scared, he knew the truth of god, there was no separation between god and the world around him, this is how he was always able to talk directly to me. I had to take a moment. "Oh my!" I thought to myself, the conscious part of me, the bit that 'does all the talking and listening' to my experiment had missed something. I looked back at Bethuel's life and realised that he had been speaking to me long before he had opened his mouth. This young man was the first to communicate with me internally before he had learnt to speak to me 'externally'.

I did say that it would be an important question.

Tuesday, 3 June 2008

The deal

"...and after I had helped father with his duties I had to help mother." Bethuel was telling me, he continued, "She wanted my help with some of the laundry and I was separating out the wet clothes to make it easier for them to dry when she told me something very odd. 'One day' she said, 'you will have others to do this for you my son', 'What do you mean?' I asked her. She told me that the master was giving everything to father and that father would then give everything to me. I was a little excited about this but confused, 'When will this happen' I said, 'when the crazy old fool dies' she said. I asked her who was crazy and she said the master. I was very upset and my mouth fell open."

Bethuel said, "And I said to mother that she shouldn't speak of our master like that and something father said appeared in my head and I said 'God chose him', the master is special. Mother turned to look at me and I was very scared, 'Special?' she said in a very quiet voice, 'Special?' her voice became very high that time. 'I'll tell you about your special master' she said, 'He was a poweful and rich man...' I didn't recognise the name of the place but mother said it was a kingdom, '...and he decided that the people of the kingdom were all mad and that he was the only normal one. Your master then declared that he'd done some kind of deal with one of the gods for some land.' Mother looked at me, 'You never make deals with the gods' she said, 'they always have a way of turning it around on you so that you lose out - you remember that.'

"And what was the deal?" I asked and she told me that this god had agreed to give all of this land to the master if he would only worship him. But that doesn't make sense to me, if the master did a deal not to worship the other gods then really he was only pretending. Because, if he knows that there are others he can only pretend not to worship them, I mean if they were there before his deal they must still be there somewhere?" Bethuel was addressing that last bit to me, he knew what his mother would have said if he'd asked her the same question.

Bethuel was about to ask a very important question, certainly very important to him....

Friday, 30 May 2008


There is a young man, young boy, I wonder at what point the difference is made? It's not a distinction that I make, I don't have baby mountains or adult oceans. Anyway, in commonly understood terms a young adult male, who goes by the name Bethuel, speaks to me often. I haven't replied to him, but from his first words to me as child I knew that they were meant directly for me, not for an illusory other god or fictional invention that shares my name. Bethuel had always spoken to me.

As usual Bethuel was telling me about his day, "...and I was walking through the village, watching the birds and the people talking to each other and I sat down to rest. As I sat I watched some ants about me, going about their daily business. The ants were all filing along in a straight line, carrying things on their backs and looking at their neighbours and friends as they did so. As I looked up to watch the people in my own settlement also walking to and fro, carrying things and saying hello to each other and I laughed. I thought of you because I wonder if ants can see us?" He smiled and continued, "We're absolutely massive compared to them and I wonder if we're too big to see. For all I know where I live could be on the end of massive tree trunk and there are even bigger people than me walking underneath."

He didn't need a reply, when he spoke like this he was waiting for an answer, but not from me - not from the 'external' me that is. He was waiting for the answer to rise up inside him, he wanted to solve it himself. The part of me that was him.

"I came back and told father what I'd done that day and he wasn't pleased and warned me not to tell the master what I had told him about feeling like God and that I was wrong. Although, I don't *feel* like you, I was only imagining it." He said.

Bethuel seemed to have absolutely no fear of me, I don't know why he didn't, not that he should but everyone around him spoke of god as someone/thing to be feared and those that dared (in their master's view) to worship other gods also spoke with fear about some or all aspects of their being. Nothing summed up his attitude towards quite like the way he would normally ended his one-way conversation with me, as he did this night.

"Goodnight, speak to you tomorrow." And with that Betuel closed his eyes to drift off to sleep.

Tuesday, 27 May 2008

The parting of the ways

The flooding did terrible damage to the development of mankind at this point, the vast majority of people died as many of them lived not far from coastal areas and of course when the waves came they stood no chance of escape. Only those people on higher ground managed to survive and as the population began to climb back up the people went there separate ways, forgot their shared histories and saw each other no longer as part of one whole but as lots of little tribes and groups, developing their own meanings for the world around them and things became, Lost in Translation, to the point that they may as well have been different species.

Saturday, 24 May 2008


Rebecca continued to receive her dream visions and although they have become less frequent in her old age she has never forgotten them. She told her children, her nieces and nephews and her grandchildren but of all of them only one thought she wasn't touched by madness, unfortunately, the others often thought the same of him as they thought of their beloved Grandmother. Especially when he went walking around saying that he had been appointed to his role and that he was the servant of God, names that Rebecca had always encouraged. The family despaired when he instructed his young son to start building a boat to avoid the oncoming storm that Rebecca had seen coming all those years before.

Rebecca had succeeded in persuading her family to move ever further north, in hunt of good land and opportunities and when the rock finally slammed into the ocean the resulting malestrom missed Rebecca's family and her great grandson was half way up a mountain in a massive boat, long after the flood water had subsided.

Wednesday, 21 May 2008


"But I can warn them about it" She said, after I had explained, "Or at least warn their parents and they can warn their parents".

I agreed, "Yes, you can, and that's completely up to you, but you're not going to be able to warn everyone, even if you do nothing else for the rest of your life except warn people you're never going to reach everyone. Does that matter?"

"Of course it matters, but what about my family, I should save them if I can and if YOU want to save everyone else why don't YOU warn them, even if you can't stop the rock!"

"I don't want to save everyone, or anyone, in fact. I don't want them to die. I think it's easier if I just explain that I don't want. Anything. I'm observing, experiencing, understanding, working out, guessing, making it up as I go along. But there are rules I've put in place to make all of this hang together. I CAN DO anything I want to, but once I start fiddling with the basics I met as well not bother. I mean what's the point, if you're just going to cheat?" I only said some of this out loud, I didn't want her thinking I'm capricious, because I'm not but she was in an anxious state and I didn't want to make her feel neglected."

Sunday, 18 May 2008

Objects in motion...

From the time I created this experiment there have been bits and bobs literally flying about the place that didn't end up getting used in the final centrepiece design but I liked to think they contributed to the wider ambience of the piece.

Without my noticing one of these pieces was rolling its way towards my experiment, this had happened a few times before and I built a few floating barriers between the crap and my experiment, I even resorted to having one shield directly above the experiment at all times. Though this did funny things to the local water supply and it had an unexpected affect on the people as well.

Anyway, this rolling piece was rolling its way forward and it was too late to do anything about it at this time and I watched it as it got closer and closer.

It was about 99% of its way to its final resting place when I was talking to Rebecca about her dreams.

Thursday, 15 May 2008


"Explain what you have seen, Rebecca." I said to her.

She took a deep breath before beginning "I've only seen this in my dreams really, only occassionally when I'm awake and then it feels like I'm remembering a dream. There are lots of different dreams and at first I didn't think any of them were related or that there was anything to be worried about, but they've started to change and become more alarming." She said.

Rebecca continued "In one there's a young girl, a bit younger than me and she's surrounded by her family and she's very happy. Then the ground begins to shake and her family don't appear to be worried but the girl is, she seems scared that she won't be able to run away fast enough. At that point a boy she's grown up with runs past her and she seems jealous as she knows that he's always been a fast runner. Then it begins to rain very heavily and it feels like it's going on forever." She took another deep breath, "And then there's screaming, a lot of screaming and people are running towards where she lives but they can't make it and the girl panics as water rushes over them and they drown but it doesn't make it as far as the girl and her village."

I asked "But you say this is connected to other dreams now?"

"Yes" she said, "there are lots like this" at this point she began to cry "but in most of them the people, animals and villages are drowning under massive waves. In some of them they are burning in a big fire that seems to appear from nowhere and no matter what happens I can't run. I can't turn away, I'm forced to keep on watching.

"Why can't I stop this?" She asked.

Sunday, 27 April 2008

Daughters of men

The descendants of Mariam have followed her knowledge, after leaving her settlement she settled further away from the others and, as Eves had done before her, she told the stories of her people but by accessing her own power she came to realise there was much more to those stories than she'd been led to believe.

She remembered the dangers of revealing her truth and for a long time we discussed why people were, almost literally, designed to reject these notions, in part our decision (the Adam, Eve and myself), so that our experiment could continue.

Mariam learnt the full history of the experiment and in turn dedicated herself to ensuring that the truth of the experiment could find its way to the surface of consciousness, even if it could only be in the form of the occasional 'controversial' query.

Mariam passed on her knowledge to her eldest granddaughter and she to her granddaughter and so on. In the course of the generations a degree of foresight was developed and until Rebecca this was of no great importance.

"My God!" Rebecca cried out, in the hours before dawn, I came to her instantly, "Rebecca, why do you call for me?" I asked her and holding her bed clothes tight to her cold and clammy skin she whimpered, "I have seen it coming, a great quake, the ocean spilling over and a flood, coming to destroy everything. How can I stop this?"

"You cannot" I said.

Saturday, 19 April 2008


It's been almost ten years and the man never came back, he often spoke to me but when I answered he didn't hear me and instead heard something of his own imagining, which of course, is his choice. Unfortunately for him he wasn't of sufficient awareness to imagine anything more than everyone before him had been able to imagine. He has set about teaching everyone that I am the manifestation of goodness, that there are evil demons which posess you and 'make' you do things and that humanity was banished from a place of paradise.

I've been a bit surprised really, given how contrite he seemed to be when seeking forgiveness for his actions, that he should so quickly fix on an answer - an answer that was at odds with everything we had been discussing. And so he has enabled more people to speak to me, to request things and to worship me. They ask me these things and I tell them the truth, that the things they request of me are theirs to give and that worshipping me isn't really neccessary because I won't intervene whether they pray every day or never, worshippping themselves and their own innate power would be much better. But they don't hear this, they believe I've told them to defend themselves against blasphemers and that my gifts are determined by the level of worship.

I've been watching the nomads, the people who lost sons and fathers to the settlers all that time ago. Not suprisingly this is where the soul searching (literally) has been taking place. It started with the mothers and wives.

For many weeks after the attacks the mothers and wives would huddle together at the end of the day, in silence, before gently crying themselves and each other to sleep. As the women outnumbered the men in many of these groups after the attack the response was not as violent as I had expected. There were some women who were ready to wreak their revenge on the families of their children's murderers but many could not bring this level of horror on to another and so they agreed not to discuss the issue further. Some more years went buy and younger members of the societies began to ask questions, which led to more questions until they finally settled on one key question.

One person, a girl named Mariam asked the central question "Why would God do this to us? We who praised him and we who lead good lives." But she already knew the answer, and when the crowd were unable to answer she shared her knowledge "Because God did not do this, nor could he stop this from happening!" The news shocked many of the assembled crowd - a number of whom who had fought the setttlers - they derired her blasphemy and chased her out of the village, throwing stones at her and spitting.

She ran into the dessert and fell to the ground. She stood back up again. "You're doing this to test me, to see what I choose to do with this situation." she was listening properly but nothing came yet, I wanted to hear a little more, "I saw a lamb stuck in the roots of a tree yesterday and I freed that animal so that it could return to the flock. It was good for the lamb that I did this, but last night my choice may have meant that a jackal would have gone hungry." She said, somewhat cryptically. For some reason people feel more comfortable talking to me as if I was a 3rd century foreign-traveller-cum-mystic. I replied "Yes. I know what you are inferring, that good and bad is a subjective view, but what does that matter?"

"I know that you didn't throw my family out of the garden and I know that you didn't stop the attack, but you didn't start it either, you don't make it rain and you don't make it shine." Said Mariam.

"I see. And I wonder why you have come to me now?" I asked.

"Because I know I have power, that you gave me, but I don't know how to use it."

Ooooh, I thought to myself earlier, this is going to be interesting!

Sunday, 13 April 2008


The man came back yesterday and I explained to him about the choices in his life and about the power that he has to create his destiny.

"How did you know that I would answer when you cried out to me?" I asked.  "Because my mother told me that you spoke to her mother, on many occassions, I was hopeful." After saying this he became distracted and fiddled with his robes.  He continued, "I heard you.  When I was young I had a knowledge, or awareness, that I lacked knowledge.  It is as if everyone I know has been walking down a path to get somewhere and I have this knowledge, like a whisper, that tells me that there should be another path, I don't know where it is or where it leads, but the other path should be there."

He continued "I asked others if they had the same feelings and they said not.  I thought that I had imagined it all and that I should stop thinking these things, but it's always been there - no matter how much I've fought it.  After I killed all those people it's as though that whisper was a scream, I don't actually think that it was you replying to me, I think that I replied to you, to your scream."

He asked, "Am I right, was that you?"

I answered him "Can you name something that I am not?"

The man replied, straight away "Evil.  What I did last week was not you."

"You believe that I threw your ancestors out of a garden of paradise?" I said.

The man said yes, "And do you think that was evil, or 'less-than-good'?" I asked him.

"I don't know, I was never taught why it happened." Was his reply.

"So, from your response I can tell that, had you known why it happened you would be able to make a decision as to whether what I did was good or bad."

The man apologised, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to anger you, please forgive..."

I stopped him "I am not angry, I am curious"  You should answer me without fear."

"But if you did seemingly bad things then there would surely be good intentions behind it?" He enquired.

"Do you think that I am good?" He said that I was, "Do you think that I am evil?" I asked.

"No" said the man, "I think we may see your anger because we have done something wrong.  But no, you are not evil."

"So there is something that I am not capable of?  You believe that you have surpassed me, even if it is only in doing wrong?  Do not be afraid." I said.

"No, we haven't surpassed you because that must be impossible.  It must be something evil, like a Djin." He said.

"These evil beings" I asked, "by whom were they created?"

"By you, but.." as the man explained I began to laugh and the man was visibly scared by this, I continued his trail of thought "But it must have been for a good reason?" He nodded and I continued "You believe that I have separated good from evil and you believe that these are forces that act on you?"

The man nodded again, "And I assume that I am the manifestation of good and that these demons you speak of are the manifestations of evil?" I asked.

"Yes" said the man.

"In that case" I said, "I invite you to meditate on this knowledge and if this is what you choose to believe then you may like to tell others.  If you do have other questions, if any of this knowledge causes you to ask more questions then you may ask me and we can discuss this again."


Awesome.  I of course mean that in the sense of how utterly absorbing the events of this week were.  There were many other ways in which they could have settled their disagreement.  If their aim was to kill most of the nomads, they failed.  If it was to protect their hard work from 'invading beasts' then they have probably failed at that too - time will tell but they left survivors and there are more who weren't engaged in this battle to seek revenge.

And after three generations this week I was finally spoken too again.  The attack took place in the early hours last Monday and it was only today that one of the settlers spoke with me.

"There were so many bodies, the ground is still stained with their blood, the animals are scared and the crops were damaged."  And then he spoke to me "WHAT HAVE WE DONE?"

I answered, "What is that you were trying to achieve?"  The man began to cry and said "Protection, we wanted to tell these people that they couldn't just take what they wanted.  But they didn't come here to fight.  They were singing a song, a song to you in the early sunlight of the dawn as the sun rose behind them as if this was their army.  But this was no army, they were men and boys, not expecting to fight and when they saw us..." He trailed off.

"What happened?" I asked, "when they saw you, a large crowd of elders, were they scared?" I knew the answer of course but to hear it from this man was important, for all of us.  The man regained his composure "When they saw us" he said "they opened their arms, sang louder and smiled.  I think they thought that we had come to talk to them.  We walked on, some of our group laughed quietly, said that they were more docile than their sheep and that they would be slaughtered just as unexpectantly as lambs.  It was stupid talk, dehumanising these people as they were singing YOUR name!"

"And what did you do?" I asked him.

"When we got closer we raised our weapns and charged at them - screaming.  It was over very quickly.  We left some of the younger ones." The man said to me.

"And what did you do?" I repeated.

"I have just told you what I did" he said.

"You have told me what the group did." I said one last time "What did you do?"

The man sat in silence for some time before telling me.  "When the shouting began I realised that it was my voice that I could hear loudest, I ran and I grabbed a man and beat him about the head with my staff.  When he fell I could see the fear in his eyes, but then there was something else.  It was as though he was accepting this fate.  I was terrified of his passive acceptance and so I smashed his expression until their was nothing but flesh and bone, I only stopped when I realised that there was nothing left to continue smashing."

He drew a breath and continued. "The boys offered no resistance at all.  They sat in a group screaming, the youngest could have been no younger than ten years old.  Many of them had wet themselves and they huddled closely together, the few that had run off were quickly captured and killed.  I walked over to the group of young boys, there were six of them.  As I twisted the first one's head around until it snapped and went limp the other five were instantly silent and stared at their young friend as I dropped his body to the ground but that silence screamed at me and grew louder and louder with each neck that I broke until there were only two left.  Then they began to sing your name, again.

"I shouted at the remaining boys, I warned them what would happen if they ever returned.  I think I was actually warning them not of our violence but of our shame, it was we that were the beasts, not them."

I asked him "And what have you achieved today?"

"Less than nothing" the man said "We killed so many people, if they never return we have secured our land but only at the cost of their lives and at the cost of losing these people in our lives.  But the biggest loss must be in what we have lost of our selves and I don't even think I can calculate what that loss is.  We can never move away from this, we will forever be marked by this deed and I fear what will become of us.  I detest us for what we have done, there are some others of us that agree with my disgust but some do not.  Already we are divided amongst ourselves by this one act and it was achieved by our own hand."

"And what do you want from me?" I asked.

"Forgiveness" he said "what I have done, it was like an evil spirit took over me."

I replied "If an evil spirit took over you why do you apologise for it?  If you want forgiveness then you must seek it from yourself, you created this event, you created the outcome and so only you can create forgiveness for yourself.  But I can help you, if you choose."

The man stood up and replied "Yes.  Please help me.  There was no spirit, I know that it was me but I am scared that I have this within me, but it was me, wasn't it?"

"Don't be afraid, I will tell you more but remember that I created you, so do not disown any part of yourself.  What I will do is help you to understand that part of yourself." I said.

I left him.  The parts of me that were the men he killed and the boys that he murdered had heard from him.  We were pleased that he had spoken to us and had answered the questions which had been tormenting us for days."

Sunday, 6 April 2008

Two tribes

The children of the Adams and the Eves have now grown and had children of their own and although they told them the stories of ‘The Garden’ the details changed in each telling - and each of the Eves remembered different details. Something I had not expected.

The children of Adams and Eves are largely nomadic and travel the land, following the seasons with a herd of animals to provide food. However, some of the third generation are developing new ideas for getting food and have attempted to stay in one place and grow their own crops and keep their livestock in the same location.

I haven’t been spoken to now for three generations, after Adam left for the last time I’ve had no further conversations or contact with my experiment. That’s not to say that they haven’t been busy – some rather odd practices have developed in my name, including but not limited to burnt offerings, it’s a well-intentioned gesture but I can’t say that it’s at the top of my wish-list. My other concern is that the experiment is not only worshipping me, but may be worshipping its own constructed idea of me instead of the ‘actual’ me.

So, in returning to the nomads that wander and the farmers that are settling, obviously this happened incrementally, it wasn’t as though the third generation were the first lot to think along these lines, but the blog would be insanely boring in terms of detail so I’ve condensed this somewhat.

I listened in on a conversation earlier today that could prove to be an interesting experience in the future. Obviously there have been rows and arguments between people and between some of the tribes and nothing that you wouldn’t see in animals but today there was something a little more organized about their emerging level of frustration.

It’s worth remembering that not all of the children of Adams and Eves have become settled, in fact a large majority are nomads and yet both believe they have me on their ‘side’ and not on the ‘side’ of the others. Apparently there’s not enough of me to go around! I don’t know what makes them think they are chosen – that they make these claims without speaking to me in three generations is also particularly makes their stake on me seem even more odd.

The source of the conflict between the nomads and the farmers is that when the nomads have exhausted their natural environment of resources and when they are desperate they bring their camps through the settlements and cause a fair bit of damage and of course their animals eat a lot of the crops.

So that is why I listened in to a conversation of some of the elder men and women from the settlement.

“We must do something to protect ourselves from these animals.” Said one person, another laughed and added “And their livestock.” The rest of the group laughed along with him.

Another voice added, “These people are feral, like their animals and we must keep them away from our camps, from our families and children. We should show them our skills in pest control.”

I continued to listen to the group as they continued to talk in this sinister manner ‘pest control’ and ‘animal management’. They were clearly scared, and it seemed to me, not of the nomads themselves but that without resisting these nomads way of life that they would somehow descend from their level of ‘civilisation’ and end up like the nomads again, scouring the earth for food.

“We shall form two groups, the first shall stay behind tomorrow and guard the settlement, if the nomads approach they should take every step to prevent them entering, if they do then they should kill them.” Said one, another explained the role of the second group, “The second shall come with me and we will leave the settlement in the early morning and seek out the nearest nomads to our setllement and send them a message. We shall kill as many as we can find.”

The men and women gathered agreed their course of action, as they got up to leave one of them called out, “In God’s name!”, the others turned to look and called out “IN GOD’S NAME!”

Not in my name

Thursday, 3 April 2008

Trouble in paradise

Adam nor Eve have spoken to me since they left. That's 20 years that they have lived in pure fear. They have talked of me frequently and they have filled their children’s heads with that same fear.

I should point out that what they experience as 20 years to me feels the same as two attoseconds, I can experience as much or as little detail in that 20 years as I please, their internal chronometers are attuned to a very different level than my own awareness of time.

Adam has attempted to make sense of why they were ‘expelled’. He’s worked out the answer three times in 20 years and each time he has come back he has chosen to leave again and repeat the earlier process of mind-removal. At the most recent remembering Adam and I agreed that it was obvious that he would continue to work out the answer and we needed a different solution.

Adam said, “I keep working out the real answer to why we’re here, perhaps if you could take that knowledge and only leave me with a small part of that knowledge, not enough to work it all out but enough to remember our connection to you.”

I thought on this as he continued “What if you took my essence and split that to create three more of our pair, as well as me.” We concluded our discussion some time later and as Adam left once more he was joined, in leaving, by three other Adams and three other Eves, each going a different direction from the other and each Adam contained a part of the knowledge of their relationship with me.

Eve has not, so far anyway, remembered the full history of her relationship with me. She is instead much more focused on raising her children, a role she has taken to very naturally. She has taught her children much of what she could remember from her time before they left. Eve has a sublime gift for story-telling as a method for teaching. She explained to her children with such vivid descriptions of all the flowers, trees, rivers and even of me, in ‘The Garden’

Saturday, 29 March 2008


What a day! I am now three equal parts; the part of me that was the creator and observer of the experiment and the parts of me that were the component parts of the experiment. In completing their knowledge of everything those two component parts remembered what they had forgotten - that they and I are undivisible; one and the same.

At that moment of realisation the experiment ceased to be. It only worked for as long as there wasn’t complete awareness, once there was it was me again, wondering what more could be discovered.

The part of me that was Shadow apologised for them both, “Sorry, we’ve kind of shot ourselves in the foot with this one haven’t we?”. Light continued “Yes, but that’s free choice for you! It was fantastic though, how much we have learned in such a short period of time, to be able to take a break from our awareness of our true nature was so liberating. It felt frustrating at the time but now - our awareness is so much fuller and deeper.”

We three re-lived our short experiment within our collective mind numerous times. I addressed the other two aspects of myself, “Is there any way that we could repeat the experiment - make it longer, better - give it more depth and experience?” Shadow replied, “Yes. There is something we could do. We were created without sex, if we could choose a sex for each aspect we could then reproduce like the other animals and after a certain time our bodies would die and we would return to you.”
Light continued, “And so we continue to experience life, with the death of the body the consciousness returns to the greater self and the children of our bodies carry on the experiment with a portion of the consciousness of their parents.”

I continued our thought “And the observer, the creator, will take a back seat, I will no longer speak to you directly, I will never again make the choice so overt, so difficult to ignore. If your choice is to be truly free their must be a balance, if we choose, if we agree, for each generation their will be someone with awareness of the whole knowledge and that person can choose how best to spread that knowledge. But the bodies without consciousness will be free to choose to ignore this person, to live in ignorance of the whole truth.”

“I shall be male and I will be called Adam” said one, “And I shall be female and named Eve” said the other. I spoke, “And I will put you back where you were and you will remember all the knowledge that you had in order to ensure your survival, how to grow crops, the names of the animals, how to hunt, where to hide from wild and dangerous animals. But you will forget how to access the knowledge of everything, you will forget this conversation, you will forget that you are me. Until or unless you choose to remember everything. You will know that you were created by me and that I gave you life. The rest is gone. Is this our choice?”

“This is our choice” said Adam. “This is our choice” said Eve. “This is our choice” I said.

Adam and Eve ran out of the oasis and into a desert, weeping as they ran and terrified to look back. Eve cried out “We have offended God and he is unhappy with us!”

Adam replied, “It was your fault, I told you not to eat from the tree!”

Eve thought for a moment that there was no tree and she didn’t remember eating anything but was too afraid of what was going on to give it any more thought and she forgot all about it.

I watched them running until they found shelter, Adam and Eve seemed to be competing for who could get furthest away from the oasis, from me, as if it were some kind of human race.

Wednesday, 26 March 2008

All fall down

I caught Light standing on the knowledge stone earlier, Shadow had done the same thing yesterday. Shadow had been secretly watching Light from behind some bushes and came forward.

“Have you used it?” Asked Shadow. Light’s head swung around to make eye contact and replied, “Yes.” Said Light, “I wanted to know about this area where we live, the land around us and the mountains in the distance.”

Shadow stared hard at Light, then asked “And you’re not dead?” And so sarcasm was born, in reponse to this Light lifted just one eyebrow - Shadow smiled.

Shadow and Light called out to me, I reminded them that I was always present and that they didn't have to call me to receive answers.

Light asked “Please, can you explain why we are able to access the knowledge without dying and why you told us that we would die if we did access the knowledge.”

I answered their questions with a suggestion, “If one of you would like to stand on the stone and seek knowledge of learning and of yourselves I will make sure it is shared with the other of you at the same time.”

Light sought the knowledge that I had suggested and Shadow also learned the information of my concern for their learning, for their mental capacity to cope with the power of the knowledge stone and my desire to protect them from harm. Shadow broke their learning reverie and said “But why not just tell us this to begin with? We’ve never disobeyed you before.”

I replied “You have not disobeyed me, I didn’t tell you that you mustn’t access the knowledge, I informed you that would die if you did but I have never forbidden anything - these things around you are yours to choose from. I wanted to put a barrier between your curiosity and your fear of death to see which was greater and now all three of us know the answer.”

Shadow turned to Light and asked “I want more knowledge, will you share it with me?” Light nodded. “Before you begin I have one more thing to tell you about," I continued, "the stone is merely a stone, you can access the knowledge from anywhere and at anytime, even at the same time as each other. All of this knowledge you already have within you -in accessing it you are merely brining it to your conscious mind.”

They both thanked me and sat down opposite each other on the grass with the sun shining over their heads. They began to access the knowledge of the universe. As I suspected their ability to comprehend more complex information grew at a rapid pace until they shared all of my knowledge.

I’ve just come away from the experiment, they have learnt everything and they are completely aware; everything that I know, they know. This experiment is over.

Friday, 21 March 2008


Shadow and Light were having a conversation about gender earlier and I turned my full awareness to them only part-way through the conversation.

“Well” said Shadow, “most of the animals have obvious differences but the snails, camels and locusts, well they’re like us, aren’t they?” Light answered, “I think so. But when they make the copies together it’s not an instant process, have you noticed?” Shadow nodded and Light continued “For some it takes only a few days but for others, well I saw them begin the process when we were first brought here but I’ve still not seen any copies – one of the two involved in the copying process has just got a bit bigger is all I can see.”

Shadow thought back to something it had observed and asked Light, “Not all of them are involved in copying. Like the lions, the hairier lions don’t seem to want to copy with each other but seem to prefer the hairless lions. Why do you think that is?

Light answered, “I don’t know - I’ve also never seen different animals try and merge to make new animals.” Light asked me to explain all of this.

I started by telling them that the other animals, to which they’d given names, did not have free choice and acted only on impulse. In order to regulate copying it would require two different versions of the same animal to begin the process. Light asked me “And this is the same for all the animals?” I said that all the animals which had been named reproduced in this way. “In that case” said Light, “we will call them male and female. Please can you tell us why they need to make copies, to reproduce?”

I answered, “as I’ve said the animals don’t have freedom of choice, their instincts are driven by survival of the fittest and they’re instincts come from a part of me. The animals allow me to experience raw emotion and a fight against the elements of nature, pitting aspects of myself against that which can’t be fought – like lack of food, water or safety.” Light and Shadow were listening carefully and I continued, “with so many animals and with short life spans I decided it would be best to delegate creation of new life to the animals themselves.”

Shadow and Light exchanged a few looks before Shadow spoke up, “And what about us, why aren’t we male or female?” I answered them, cryptically, “You do not need to be male and female, you are not like the others.”

Have I just been really obtuse? I could have told them that the reason they do not have to be male and female is that they can create new life without two genders - if they acknowledge their power and choose.

Shadow broke the silence that had followed, “But if we chose. If we wanted to be made male and female?” I looked down at my experiment, I was glad that there was the imagination enough to realise their choice, it was also frustrating that it didn't extend a bit further than wanting to be the same as all the animals. I answered “Then your choice would be instantly realized.”

Shadow turned to light and smiled.

Wednesday, 19 March 2008

The stone

I found Shadow standing near the knowledge stone this morning. I haven’t accessed its mind but subtlety is not yet Shadow or Light’s specialty so I could tell what it was interested in. Shadow was stood adjacent to the stone, in front of the fruit tree but with its eyes fixed on the stone. I’ve noticed that Light has been in similar poses near the stone but as yet neither of them has mentioned this to the other

Monday, 17 March 2008


I have been watching the Experiment and it is currently pre-occupied by my earlier creations in particular their ability to self-replicate. I had a look inside its mind and the self-replication is merely a focus for its true feeling - it feels lonely.

I asked the Experiment, “Are you alone?” and it said that it was and added “Flock of birds, pride of lions, troop of monkeys. Me.” I was impressed that its label making had developed to such complexities as collective nouns but I was also concerned. I had taught it language as a easier way for it to identify my voice from the internal dialogue in its own head - it was always my intention that we would communicate without words, relying instead on the emotional or sub-conscious to communicate - for each word that was taught there was always the direct transfer of the meaning, mind to mind. Again, free choice has appeared to dictate that the Experiment has chosen the spoken word, which would explain the loneliness, perhaps much less of what I have been directly conveying, mind-to-mind, had ‘stuck’. I took another look inside the Experiment and I was right - a lot of the meanings were a little scrambled, not necessarily wrong but a lot of the detail had been filtered out. Maybe, with the separation between us growing the Experiment could not identify my ‘voice’ in its head, even after experiencing it aurally.

The Experiment continued, “That young bird and that older bird, that’s like our relationship. But those monkeys, all of the same age are not like us. I don’t have anything else like me to experience this with. I rely on you but I would like to learn for myself but not totally alone.” At first it had all that it needed from me, but as the choice not to be a part of me was made more real the Experiment became more and more lonely. I asked the Experiment if it would like a companion and it said that it did, I asked that it go to sleep so that I could do as it asked.

Whilst it slept I got to thinking about how the Experiment was going to continue, in creating another the Experiment would comprise two components and would become more reliant on each other than on me so this would be the best opportunity to hardwire those changes at this point. I began by dividing the Experiment into two equal parts that were exact copies of each other - they shared all the experiences, knowledge and memories of the Experiment as though there had always been two from the beginning. Into the mix, of both components of the Experiment, I discouraged the notion that I was all-powerful, I didn’t want the Experiment to continue as a completely directed affair, I would like the Experiment to go in its own direction. Whether they choose to accept this will be the individual components' choice and they can recognise this at any time of their choosing.

I asked the Experiment to wake up and they did, with the division still fresh they moved and spoke at exactly the same time and observing their minds they thought the same things at the same time. However, this was the very first aspect of their unity that splintered, seeing themselves - as separate and yet the same - caused a number of different questions in each mind but one part of the Experiment asked the other “Who are you?”. They looked at each other, desperately trying to identify anything that could differentiate one from the other. Their gaze settled on one spot and the part to whom the question was asked said “I am Light”, the other smiled broadly and replied “And I am Shadow”. I looked around the spot where they were sitting and could see that one component of the Experiment was sat in the shadow and the other was sat in the sunlight - I was smiling almost as broadly as they were, they had identified the only difference between them.

All three of us were in rapture, I of them and they of each other.

You know when you’re presented with two options and in your internal monologue you adopt two positions and try and battle it out, what I had before me was two parts of myself, representing different aspects of the whole - personifying that very principle of one mind but two opinions. To see it made flesh was beyond words and to think that I have created this - wow. But there was something else, the Experiment and I had started with a shared internal dialogue that became confused and led to language, which in turn led to our internal dialogue becoming an internal whisper from me with almost nothing back from the Experiment. In dividing the Experiment they were clearly using words and body language to convey meaning and explain and explore - but much more shocking was that they retained a much larger part of the internal dialogue than I and the Experiment had managed. I was surprised to realise that their own internal and shared dialogue was very nearly as well developed as their spoken communication. Perhaps because the Experiment didn’t quite see itself as me it didn’t quite see me at all and conversely, Shadow and Light saw each other as the same and could continue to share that level of consciousness.

I had to tear myself away long enough to get this posted but I’m going back to them now to watch them and listen to what was warming up to become a pretty intense discussion on what the experiment was all about!

Thursday, 13 March 2008


Since my last post I’ve been thinking a lot about the Experiment and its development, I haven’t had much interaction with it as its still naming things and I’ve taken time out to make sure that I continue to teach it in the best way. I’d really like to be able to download the information directly, Matrix style, but I also know that this would cause an aneurysm and I’d also have to start from scratch. A forced download would also be contrary to my golden rule of freedom of choice.

I’ve also been thinking about how I view the Experiment, as its learning and picking up meanings and naming objects I’ve begun to see it less and less as an extension of me and more as a separate entity. I know that it’s not possible for the Experiment and I to ever be separated but it really is beginning to feel like something wholly independent, I can only put this down to my investment in it's ability to choose. On the deepest level the Experiment will know that it is a part of me but until it chooses to remember this it works well for the consciousness of the Experiment and my own consciousness to feel separated from each other or I suppose this could never work. A natural progression is that I’ll probably have to interact less directly, each time that I do I’m drawing attention to the fact that I exist and really, for total freedom I need to take a very hidden role - to hide myself from the Experiment and wait to be found! But, for now I have some wisdom to impart and I have decided to test my interaction with the Experiment and its ability to learn in one fell swoop.

I spoke to the Experiment earlier and told it that I had put all of my knowledge in a single location. I went on to tell it that by placing its hands on a stone that I had moved into place next to one of the trees, the Experiment would be able to access this knowledge. I gave it a demonstration and a bright light appeared that contained within it images of all the items that it had given names to, I asked the Experiment to choose and it chose clouds, then appeared some more pictures, including rain and lightening. With each choice of image more knowledge was available and this is how the Experiment learned that clouds make rain and that rain waters the world so that plants can grow with the light of the sun. This knowledge system is a lot like being stuck in a wiki-loop - you know, when you read about one subject and find yourself opening all the resulting links until you get deeper and deeper? Only this was without words, language was still new, reading was going to be a long way off!

The Experiment was about to find out more about the sun when I stopped it. “It is important that I tell you something, if you try and access this knowledge without me then you will die.” Instantly I conveyed the meaning of death and it took one more look at the stone before moving away from it. Now I needed to ensure that it would return and look at the stone regularly and so I made the tree bear fruit, “This fruit will grow on this tree so that you can eat it when you’re hungry and it will satisfy that hunger.” The Experiment looked at the tree, walked up to it and picked some fruit. It sat down and ate it, with its back to the stone.

I didn't like lying but I wanted to be sure that the Experiment didn't overload its memory and end up popping a connection in it's head! As soon as it is able to cope without supervision I'll remove the death warning.

Monday, 10 March 2008


The Experiment is really needy and is taking up more of my time than I thought it would. I have to give it food, shelter and of course I have to make sure that it’s entertained and learning, I don’t want the newly developed brain functions turning into mush. The Experiment has been unstoppably curious but it’s first questions were infuriatingly vague, for both of us.

Our first exchange began this morning with the Experiment staring intensely at the base of a tree trunk and then turning to look my way every so often, as if it was trying to compel me to look at the trunk as well. However, what I noticed was that it had barely seemed to have moved since I had first placed it in the garden - the Experiment that is, obviously the tree didn’t move far from its position.

Today came its initial questions but they weren’t fully formed and I suppose they weren’t technically questions either, more like feelings expressed, questioningly, as though it weren’t sure if it had the labels in the right order. I hadn’t taught it language, or body gestures so we were both trapped staring at the base of the tree trunk. I moved around to get a better look at the Experiment and then I noticed that where I thought it had been looking was immaterial, it was facing a particular direction but the view was of no importance it seemed because the Experiment was focusing attention on nothing in particular. Obviously I want to ensure that the Experiment will have free choice but it has no other companions and there is no precedent in learning how to exist - by it’s very nature the Experiment is the absolute first of its kind so I’m going to have to make a few, small, adjustments to my policy of non-intervention. I will, however, only intervene in order to teach, once the basics are set I’ll fully withdraw.

Back to the tree. The experiment was still staring and I accessed its mind to experience its perception of reality - which is a fancy way of saying that I did a John Malkovich and looked at the world from its perspective. It was hungry, it was feeling plenty of other things as well but hunger was the driving force. I stepped back outside the Experiment and gave it knowledge of ‘hungry’ and thus was its first word, “HUNGRY?” it said, like Boris Karloff’s Frankenstein’s monster. It kept repeating the word as though it were a question, inspecting the collection of noises that form it in order to discover its meaning. I gave the Experiment food to satisfy its hunger, after the first ten statements of its hunger the experiment stopped eating, but didn’t stop saying ‘HUNGRY’. This time I repeated the process of cranial invasion and by the early afternoon the Experiment could tell me when it was hungry, tired and thirsty.

After a few hours of silence and a short nap for the Experiment it awoke and began its demands again. “HUNGRY” it said, but I could tell that it wasn’t, however I gave it food, which it growled at. This development was exciting, I could see the frustration in every muscle. It tried again “THIRSTY”, and so I provided water, yet more growling and after implying it wanted more sleep it growled at the ground that had been its fist bed. It then became very animated, shifting weight from one foot to the other and saying “HUNGRY. THIRSTY. TIRED. HUNGRY, THIRSTY, TIRED. HUNGRY, THIRSTY, TIRED.” It must have done this five or so times before collapsing in a heap on the floor.

I did my John Malkovich impression again and I discovered what would be the Experiment’s first genuine question, I explained the word and its meaning and it tried again. The Experiment stood up and said “HUNGRY” and I gave it food, and then it happened, the Experiment asked me “HOW?” I answered it with words that conveyed the meaning directly to its understanding, “This happened because you asked and so I made this happen”. I could tell that the Experiment understood this but needed more, “HOW?”. I explained that I was able to create matter and form it into anything I chose and after one more “HOW” where the level of detail of the reply was approaching advanced physics the Experiment collapsed to the floor once more.

I studied the Experiment’s face and heard it whisper “How hungry?”, “How thirsty?” and then “How tired? How tired?” At that moment something flashed in its eyes, a spark of knowledge, discovered without help from me. It stood up and said “HOW TIRED?” and I answered back “Why am I tired?” conveying the meaning directly. And so the Experiment understood ‘why’, I also explained that lack of energy led to tiredness and this could be delayed by food but that it would always need some rest. After explaining the finer points of the benefits of sleep it touched its chest and asked again “WHY?” I asked it for clarification, “Why did I create you?” The Experiment stared back in my direction, “Sorry” I conveyed agreement and disagreement and the Experiment was able to answer my question “YES”. I looked at the Experiment’s eyes and told it “You were created so that you could…”

Unperceptible to the Experiment I stopped and thought, if I explained all of the truth about its creation - that it was here, as a part of me to experience all the world, with access to all my power, but with no knowledge of that potential power - to reveal that would undermine the whole point of this. And so, I continued and for the first time I denied the fullest truth to the Experiment, in preservation of its freedom to choose to know it was as powerful of me or not to choose this and exist as my Experiment.

“…choose. Anything that would like to choose will be given to you.” It nodded and began what felt like a little experiment of its own, with a more relaxed tone the experiment said “Hungry” and I provided food, the experiment ate the food and said “Thirsty” and so I gave it water to drink. The experiment tried again, “Hungry” I answered this statement “No.” I could see that the Experiment had wanted this outcome and was trying to conceal its pleasure and feigned indignation, “WHY?” I revealed my reasoning “You told me that you were hungry and I gave you enough food to satisfy the hunger, you told me that you were thirsty and I gave you enough water to satisfy the thirst. I will never give you more than you need, you were not hungry when you said that you were and you knew this, that is why you didn’t get more food.”

The Experiment was satisfied with the answer. I popped in and out of its head and came back to it with the meaning for ‘what’. The Experiment pointed at the grass, “What?” I gave it the name and its meaning. The Experiment pointed up this time and said “What?” I answered it “I have given this no name, you can name everything in this world around you.” And with this I gave it the label maker, the Experiment replied “Why?” and I told it, “This is your world, to me this is all a part of me.” I pointed at various objects and continued “This is me, this is me and that is me. YOU are me - there is nothing that I have created that I could not call ‘me’. But, I will use the names that you give, to make our understanding of each other easier.”

The Experiment took the label maker, said yes, and proceeded to spend the rest of what was left of the day naming everything that it could find. I left it to its own devices about an hour or so ago when it was lying down in the darkness running through the list of the names it had given to everything.

Saturday, 8 March 2008

The Experiment

I am knackered. I spent all day today making everything else that I’m going to need, but because I haven’t planned it properly I’ve got to hope that I won’t need anything else because it’s going to be a difficult to stop and create new things as I go along. Unless I start from scratch all over again, but that seems like such a waste given how much I’ve done.

I’ve probably achieved more today than in the previous five days put together. The best thing that I did today was to create the Experiment. I was lacking inspiration today so its ended up looking like me. The Experiment is intricately designed and I’ve programmed it with a lot of my own awareness and abilities so that it can do everything that I can do, so not only does it look like me but it can do what I can do. On top of this I can directly access its memory or mental processes – especially when it needs recharging. This is quite vicarious, but then again this entire project is a grand act of vicariousness

If you’re still struggling with what the Experiment is, then think of the re-imagined Cylons. A walking, talking, sentient being that is capable of creating anything that it puts its intention behind. Exactly as I can do and have done. The only difference is that the Experiment has a choice; it can choose whether or not to acknowledge its full potential, at any time. Alternatively the Experiment can act as though it were like my earlier creations, servants to my instructions.

Very good!

(no post tomorrow, I’m having a rest!)

Friday, 7 March 2008

A bit of construction

MUCH better progress today, I’ve made loads of useful things out of the stuff I had lying around (I'm a bit of a geek - I can make things out of practically nothing!) and it’s beginning to seem a lot more interesting here now. I haven’t bothered with the label-maker for these because, to be honest, that’s more hassle than it’s worth and I’d rather be active than sat around naming everything.

What’s really good about the new things I've made is that they’re going to be self-sustaining and can create more of themselves without very much intervention from me at all. I’ve organised them quite well so that they don’t clash too much and hopefully they’ll start replicating themselves and I’ll soon have a lot more

Thursday, 6 March 2008


A lot more labeling today. Also decided to work out a cool lighting design, I think I’ve got it looking really good. Two main lights with a number of smaller background lights - good for atmosphere.

It’s starting to feel a lot more organised but I’m increasingly aware that this is lacking a general approach and I think this is the problem with me. I just seem to be making up as I go along and not getting very far.

Wednesday, 5 March 2008

Change of scenery

Hmm, not much more done today. I’ve got a label-maker though and having read the instructions and gone back to pick up some of the sticky tape stuff I’ve labeled a few things. I had to take a break from tidying and labeling, I’ve been at it for three days! Instead I decided to plant flowers, grass seed and trees, very organic and Jamie Oliver would be pleased.

Tuesday, 4 March 2008


Haven’t actually done all that much today really - I seem to have accumulated a lot of stale water so I’ve moved that out of the way to create some space for me to work. Also, I began to arrange a few things and sat down with some post-it notes to work out what to do and when, which kind of took up most of the day.

It's official, project planning is evil and I should know, instead I’ve decided that planning to tidy up is ridiculous and if I'd spent my energy tidying up instead of messin about with plans I'd have been a day ahead.

So, I'm going to just get on with it.


Monday, 3 March 2008

In the beginning...

It feels like I’m all alone out here, just me and my thoughts rattling around, would be good if I had something to pre-occupy myself with. Although should I be pre-occupying myself? Surely that’s a distraction from what I should be doing. But what is that? What should I do? I should probably be out there having a life.

I’ve been thinking about this for some considerable time now and there are a number of possibilities, some of them are really short-term solutions, others are longer term. All my ideas are a bit vague at the moment though. I suppose I just want to find out who I am. Just to be me, which is a lot more difficult than it might sound because I’ve not really done very much, I’m quite young and I don’t really have any frames of reference.

I think I’ll just go with the flow and see what happens in discovering myself and what I’m about.

But maybe I shouldn’t start too quickly. Maybe a little tidying up first, whenever you should be doing something tidying up is normally a good distraction. And to do this properly you have to pull everything out and start from scratch.

For a start it’s pitch black and I can’t see a bloody thing - so I suppose the ultimate starting point is switching the light on.